2013 is off to a great start...Minus the problems...

So, I have my volunteer job starting tomorrow and I am nervous as hell. But that isn't my main concern really...My main concern is the fact that I have been having severe body issues. I will look at myself and look at other people. I compare myself to them and I see myself as being bigger than everyone else on earth even though people tell me that's not how it really is. Every time I eat, I feel so huge and there is nothing I can do about it. I am going to make an appointment with my Doctor to find out what is going on. Hopefully something can be done. I refuse to take any pills. Besides that, There is just so much drama going on all over the place. As far as here at home goes, It gets to me sometimes. I get so tired of him blaming me for things that happen. He can say he isn't blaming me but I study closely what people say. I am not stupid and I wish people would stop treating me like I am. He speaks before he thinks and that causes too many issues. I am not going to lie, There were times where I thought about where this was going to go if this crap kept up because I could only take so much. We have a Son. "He's 1 years old so what would it do to him?" I would always ask myself.


Well, 2013 is off to a good start minus the problems going on and the fact that I can't find a PAYING job to save my life. This volunteer job pays $4 A DAY....Like wtf am I supposed to do with that... I need money to support my Son...It is so hard...I have enough to buy him what he needs and a few extra things. Sometimes we don't even have enough food for the month so we have to go a few days without food or anything to drink but warm water because they cut our stamps in half. I rarely ask people for help because I don't want to feel like I am getting in the way so I try and figure things with my fiancee and we do things ourselves. Hopefully things will turn around for us soon. Well, Time to clean the house and get ready for volunteer work tomorrow.


God please help me find a job....Please...For my Son..

Happy New Year

So, It's a new year and I plan on making tons of positive changes. There are still a few things I am unsure about. I am going to continue to work out, Eat healthy, and hopefully reach my goal weight of 140 lbs. by April. My parents talked to me about coming out here to Knoxville in April and I hope they do. I miss them all so much...It has been almost a year ALREADY since I last saw them...I saw them last..On the 20th of March in 2012. When they come here, I will hopefully be 140 lbs and wow them with my new look and body. I have a Facebook but I am not posting any pictures of me because I want not just them but everyone else to be surprised. I talked about deleting Facebook but I really don't know if I will or not... If I keep it, I am changing it to a different e-mail and starting over but I won't be on as much as before.

Well, That's all I have to say really...Time to take care of my lil buddy! I still can't believe my Son is 1 now!